I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
