Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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