i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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