I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
