If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
