where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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