the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
