It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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