just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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