She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My feet surprised me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
