dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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