Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
