Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
