Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
