i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
