You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize