Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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