ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
