I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
