There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
