did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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