i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize