Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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