Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
