THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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