is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
