Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
