last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
