roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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