I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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