he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
