i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This is not my ceiling
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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