im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
