he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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