there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
