I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
