You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
