omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
