There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
