I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
