What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
