im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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