i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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