My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize