Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hippo gnu deer
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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