a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
