Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
