how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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