She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
