I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
