you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You made out with two different species that night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
