I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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