Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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