No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
