Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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