Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize