She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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