porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
be right there i have to get my cape
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
